Understanding Communication

Understanding Communication

In this blog posting I want to look at telling the truth in communication. This I believe is the strongest factor in how we experience life. For until we can have open and honest communication we are doomed to have misunderstanding In every conversation, and Illusion In how we perceive all of our relationships.

"For there is but one veritable problem- the problem of human relations. We forget that there is no hope or joy except in human relations."

Antoine de Saint Exerts Wind, Sand And Stars

"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person: and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized." ~ Victor E. Frankl ~mans search for meaning

Communication in the human family, since the beginning of recorded history, has been at best mediocre. Except in isolated cases like the city of Enoch that was taken in to heaven, as told of in the old testament of the bible. Historically Lack of truth in communication has created misunderstandings, distrust and divorce on a personal level and on a broader level disrespect and destruction directed at all living things, even war. Every one of us, if we are willing to look deep inside, shares a feeling of being alone. Our inability to really communicate ourselves to others with out being misunderstood is constantly being tested and confirmed. We often wish even simple phrases like "I love you" could be understood with out the traps and expectations. Thinking "What else do they want?" It seams as if we are all, brother and sister, husband and wife, friend and neighbor, are speaking in a foreign language - never understanding each other and never understanding why. In our world I would say misunderstanding is not the exception but the rule. Because of our inability to overcome our communication barriers, we have become disillusioned, overwhelmed. The other side of the coin is people pretending that they have it "all figured out" and try to use force to make people use their rules. They spend their time creating laws, rules and regulations in governments to force people to get along. This is a very short term, immature, quick fix approach and only serves to create more problems and disharmony down the road.

Taking the ultimate parent role setting up rules that treat every one like disobedient children, "If you kids don't stop fighting and get along, I'm going to punish you." I know they mean well but personal behavior is inside each individual person, making rules will not change them. People need understanding and an actual living example in order to change behaviors, showing mutual cooperation, respect and understanding. In relationships we have so much bad experiences we have become cynical. Often when we see people getting married, seeing them absolutely in love we say; they'll learn in time that it is not all a bed of roses and they usually don't disappoint us. Why can't we keep the love and excitement alive?

The exception! Once in a wile we see a husband and wife or some small group of people that really find an ability to communicate. That develop a rill sense of oneness and we think it is a fluke, their lucky, just pretending or maybe even mad. We say real people can't be that happy together. I personally think it is not a fluke and there is hope for all of this confusion. I believe it is possible to overcome the traditions of misunderstanding. This through a process of discovery that my wife and I have been experimenting with. I know this is not new information the truth of what we are learning is in all of us. This truth is also in every ancient spiritual text; whether the teachings of Buddha, the teachings of Zoroaster, the Bhagavad-Gita, the Koran or the Holy Bible. The purpose of these books is to assist you to awaken and remember that part in you that is temporarily sleeping but already in place. To lift your consciousness up to a higher awareness and knowledge, tempered with love. To awaken from the night mirror of human relations and embrace true open and honest communication. The process will take some time but I believe it is very much worth it. We live in a wonder full time. When all things in life are being looked at and re-evaluated to try to find some meaning to this mess of a world we have created.

Historians say if we can learn from history then we do not have to repeat it. Here I would like to say there is no such thing as true history. As a general rule history is full of look good lies that give us a sinking feeling, because those who came before us where so good and we know how we are. The truth is they made just as many mistakes as we do. The person righting the story just left that part out. There is a wonderful thing happening today though historians, because they are looking for the truth they don’t want the look good history but what really happened and this kind of history can help us not to repeat it. The benefit to this type of history is we can see that all people are good and bad at the same time. What ever that means, for it is just a judgment. None of us are all good or all bad, with this knowledge we can realize we can be as wonderful as we want, with the knowledge we also have shortcomings too. And these shortcomings need not stop us from being great. This could go a long way in helping the world to heal; I feel the most destructive form of lying in the world is people trying to cover up mistakes they make. We should rejoice in our mistakes for they teach clearly what doesn’t work, and this is very beneficial. This is because of the shame blame and punishment mindset of society. This makes people distrust creating distance and secrecy in order to not be found out. Instead let’s look at what we have tried; what works and what has not. As you know mankind has been making the same mistakes since recorded history started with no apparent sense of having ability to stop the cycles from repeating. The primary focus has been on force and mandatory laws. Doing this the problems have continually escalated with bigger bombs, more cruelty, bigger wars, more fear and less trust. We the self-righteous United States are afraid of any one else having the atomic bomb. Yet we are the only nation to have ever used its destructive forces. (A little like the kettle calling the pot black.) My number one conclusion you can not force understanding. people are as honest as they feel safe to be with out reprimands. So instead of trying to make more rules for every situation, instead let’s have some understanding, some compassion, some forgiveness, some love. Let’s learn to rejoice in our humanness and embrace our limitations, acknowledge our mistakes and learn what they have to teach us. There is not a single human being on the face of the planet that doesn’t make mistakes and have limitations. Let’s create a space for open and honest communication, a safe environment where every thought can be expressed without condemnation. From this place we become a self correcting society and will grow to see fulfilled all the wonderful things our Holy books talk about. And for the first time in recorded history it won’t repeat its self!

Just something to think about.

Peace

Charles Lyon CHT